Do You Have A Group Chat For Outfit Approvals? (Who’s In It?)
On Closet Confidantes And The Friends We Turn To For Styling Advice
I don’t think it started with her asking. I don’t even think I asked. What child asks if they may solicit an opinion? But that’s what I did, probably before I could tie my own shoes, while studying my mom as she got herself ready for nights out with my dad. Perched on the edge of the bed, I watched and waited while she put on something more exciting than what she had been wearing earlier that day. She would stand in front of the open closet door’s full-length mirror and turn to the left, then to the right, then almost all the way around, looking over her shoulder. She would return front-facing again, one leg planted out in front of the other, and emit a sound that was part-sigh, part-hmmmm. That was my prompt. Sometimes I was mercenary (“I don’t like the top half.” “Do you have anything better?”). At other times, I was more encouraging—especially if I sensed she wasn’t feeling so great about herself in that moment, and the cause seemed bigger than figuring out what to wear.
In retrospect, maybe those were even the moments I shined. If I could make my mom smile at herself in the mirror and leave the room seeming slightly more lit up, I had done something right, despite not yet fully grasping the psychological interplay between feeling good and looking good at the time. I recently asked her, how old was I when I first vocalized my fashion assessments? “Probably from the very start. You eyed me with the deepest opinion,” she wrote back in a text message. It’s true, I was a silent, sponge-like observer from day one. But give me a closet, an accessories drawer, a store changing room, or even just my mother standing half-dressed in front of a mirror, and all my introversion dissipated. My mom wasn’t bothered by the opinions of a four-foot-tall fashion critic, either. In fact she valued the assistance. She still does.
Many of us have a person like this in our lives. Not necessarily a miniature crazy person channeling Anna Wintour, but someone who knows our styles and tastes, and what shapes and silhouettes look best on our bodies—not from study so much as from familiarity. It’s the person who knows what clothes make us feel confident and beautiful, and encourages us to even push things a little farther, sometimes—to try something just a little off-center, or add that extra detail or accent that makes the familiar and comfortable feel a little more fresh and alive. Someone who’s not AI, nor a style person on TikTok, but a closet confidante, or fashion emergency contact of sorts.
We tend to look online for fashion inspiration and direction when we have no idea what we’re doing. The algorithms may provide us with trends and the latest “cores,” but our confidantes give us the truth.
I have two: Joyce and Jodie. I tend to call on them separately, depending on the input I need. Joyce gives me validation; when I’m about 95 percent certain I’m going to walk out the door in a certain outfit, she almost unconditionally provides that other five percent. It’s the best boost before leaving the house. Jodie gives me a decision. I’m generally pretty confident in my style choices, but I’m caught between ‘this blazer’ and ‘which shirt to wear with it’, Jodie’s opinion is usually the critical tiebreaker (though sometimes she’ll offer up a fresh alternative). Our personal styles are pretty different, but that’s less of a hindrance than one would think. Jodie knows me. She convinced me to forgo the long and ruffled, bohemian-feeling maxi dress I wanted to wear on my 40th birthday for an embroidered A-line minidress with big, pillowy sleeves. I never would have considered it on my own, but as soon as I tugged the zipper closed, every cell in my body did a little shimmy, knowing it was the perfect choice for the dinner I hosted that night.
That’s the difference between relying on your friends and frantically scrolling TikTok for one-sze-fits-most styling advice. We tend to look online for fashion inspiration and direction when we have no idea what we’re doing. The algorithms may provide us with trends and the latest “cores,” but our confidantes give us the truth.
They might critique—sometimes bluntly—but the end result leaves you feeling confident, versus inadequate. It’s not about winning an argument or who’s the better stylist. All that is irrelevant when the ultimate goal is to ensure you look and feel like your best in the most authentic way possible. I asked some other fashion-loving peers to tell me about their closet confidantes—or in one case, lack thereof.
Laura Kim, Co-Creative Director at Oscar de la Renta and co-founder of Monse: Tina [Leung] and Ezra [Williams]. They both like things a bit more wild than me, so I like their advice. Tina knows everything on the market, and she has a great eye.
Jenny Walton, Artist and Vogue columnist: I call on my best friend Trevor. He’s a shoe designer, and we met at Parsons, and then starting living together in Brooklyn, and we have a similar reference point. We both love old movies and the same actresses, so we share a similar visual language and it’s easy to understand what the other is thinking about.
Beverly Nguyen, Stylist and Owner of Beverly’s: I don’t really have one, because I’m the person for everyone else. I never send “a do we like this?” I just buy it, or wear it—no questions asked.
Emme Parsons, Shoe designer: Lauren Sherman because we’ve grown up together, and she’ll be brutally honest with me in the nicest way.
Lauren Sherman, Puck Newsletter Writer and Author: Becky Malinksy, for sure. She’s one of the few friends that I call unprompted, and she's incisive. Need an opinion on a new pair of shoes? Need to know if you should upend your entire life? Becky is your girl.
Jodie Chan, Vice President of Global Marketing & Communications at Carolina Herrera: Subconsciously—I think for me, it depends on what kind of feedback I’m trying to solicit: Encouraging or honest. Sometimes it’s Sam [Lau], because she’s extremely quick and savage/brutal.
Samantha Lau - Jodie is someone I reach out too! We’re both Libras and are enablers when it comes to shopping 😅😅😅. My friend Lisa who’s a producer in fashion is another go-to. I guess we have similar aesthetics so I trust her judgment on things
Everyone has their own criteria for the ideal person to call on when it comes to styling and shopping dilemmas, but decisive and quick are definitely key qualities. Which makes me wonder, maybe it’s worth starting a group chat with your 2-3 most trusted go-tos for this sort of thing, if anything for the higher likelihood of a fast response…or maybe you already have. If this is a tried-and-true trend I somehow didn’t clock, tell me! And who is (or who would be), in yours?
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